Frustrating Thoughts...... Today has Been Depressing

  I didn't run today, Dorian was up at 5:30 AM so I couldn't get up and run an easy 3-4 miles (hopefully I can do it Saturday evening or Sunday).
  Other than that, I woke up depressed.... not really sure how to describe it but I can't help feeling that if I don't run the IMM next month, it will be a very long, long time before I have the chance to properly train and run another marathon. :( :( :( :( as long as Dorian wakes up while I try to get out for a run in the mornings, there is no way I can try and get the proper mileage in for a marathon race. :( :( :( :( :'(
  Especially through this winter, I don't think I could take him out in the stroller when temps get below 30 degrees, and even though I've heard rumors that this winter is going to be mild in my area...... I just don't have much hope. It really pisses me off because I signed up for the Land Between the Lakes Marathon next March.
  It's frustrating, extremely frustrating as I've set quite a few goals through 2016 and the major one was the Mark Twain Endurance 50 in September 2016...... If I can't make it around 55-70 miles a week, I just don't know if a 50 mile race is possible.
  I feel weaker already, I need the gym, I need the weight lifting.... I need a run of 2-3 hours...... damn it I a going through withdrawals and it is very bad, a very bad feeling.
  This is freaking frustrating, it almost makes me not want to eat anymore... I feel no hunger whatsoever.... I just want to sit in a corner in silence, just silence. Ugh... I just wish I knew when things will start working out, I don't need to get up at 4 AM but I NEED to get up no later than 5, to give myself enough time to either run 10 miles on Wednesday or 5 miles and then the gym for 40-50 minutes other days of the week and maybe a 3-4 miles later in the afternoon/evening, and a 2-3 hour run on either Saturday or Sunday. That's all I want, all I need.
  But I don't know when that will be, when Dorian will start to sleep through the night every night even when I get up and leave. He seems to notice when I am out of the house even when he is asleep :(  and I honestly don't know how I am going to survive winter.