My 11 miler yesterday went great, no pain or soreness or anything. I did get hunger pains around mile 9 but that was it, I was finally seeing that lining in the sky.... until later that morning.
Well, it's been building actually... for a few months now, Dorian will wake up while I am gone and wake DH up. Unfortunately DH doesn't like having his sleep interrupted but tolerated it for so long. Dorian is also behind in his speech development, little to no words up until about 4-5 weeks ago when he just started saying a few words and is now trying to say all the 10 primary/main colors, numbers 1-10 and most of the ABC's, along with other two letter words. It's been difficult for me over the last 3.5 years, not just because I was new at this parenting thing but I am not a natural teacher. Every time I would try and sit down with him and work with him on anything, he'd get up and run around, he wasn't interested in any of it, just running around. I felt lost and confused and I wasn't sure what to do, but apparently it is 100% my fault and I've been neglecting him. We tried a speech therapist earlier this year and another therapist but they stop at 3 years old so it was short, even though I am sure they would have made breakthroughs if they were given more time. Dorian was right on track with development until about 11 months old when he learned to walk and then run, then over the course of the next 2 years all he wanted to do was go-go-go, just run as much as he could. He didn't care about talking or anything, and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. And so it is all my fault, because I should have a routine with him when he doesn't like routines. I try to work with him whenever he wants to work on things, which is a lot now, but.... I don't know.
My husband needs sleep, even though he could choose to come home at 7 PM and try to go to bed at 9 PM, but he usually stays up until 11-12 AM. And I have no idea why Dorian will wake up while I am gone, most times he will wake up in a good mood and then fall back to sleep but my husband's sleep is still interrupted.
Yesterday morning, after I had fixed breakfast and made sure Dorian and hubby were full and comfy even though hubby really wanted to sleep in but was woke up at 8:15 AM (I didn't get out of bed until 7:45 this time), he was okay about it. But then I decided to take a bath, well.... Dorian now uses his recliner and pushes it around to reach things normally out of his reach. No sooner was I in the tub for about 5 minutes but I heard him running back in forth down the hallway shaking something liquid. It was freaking charcoal liter fluid..... why on Earth it was in one of the hallway cabinets and not the kitchen or garage is beyond me, but he had gotten it all over our bed, our bedroom floor and the hallway, if somebody had dropped a match in there, the place would've gone up in flames. My husband had enough at this point, and was so enraged that he said no more running, no more working out, nothing. He was serious, even to the point that I might have to choose between him and running/working out.
After a few hours and when he was finally cooled down, we talked but my getting up so early was over and done. I could get up at 6:50 AM and go for a 45-50 minute run in the mornings but that was it (and even though it is nice enough out right now to take Dorian later in the day, pretty soon it will be too cold). And no more working out at the gym.....
I feel broken and full of despair, working out and running fought and smothered so many demons I have, both kept them quiet and hell they aren't even going to wait a week before showing their ugly faces now. I feel cornered, I feel like I am already dealing with that whole withdrawal thing.... I just want to start drinking, I've got a lot of whiskey here and it's looking real good right now :(
I don't know when Dorian will start sleeping through the night again, when he'll actually start speaking words and talking, but this winter is going to be the hardest winter I've had to deal with in 5 years.
I'll be lucky if I can run the Evansville Half Marathon next weekend, but it looks like IMM is out of the question sadly.......... how the hell can I prepare for a marathon on only 30-35 mpw????? And that is if I am lucky to get that :( :'(
With all that is going on, I won't be posting on the loop very often and for a while unless somehow miraculously things change...... but I doubt it.
I got 4 miles in this afternoon with Dorian, but Winter is on it's way...... so long loopsters.
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