I am excited (and Happy, and Blessed) to say that for the first time this year I have logged a (Mon-Sun) 50 mile week!! I mean I've seen my log stating that I've ran 52, 54 and 56 miles in the last 7 days throughout this week but to actually have logged it successfully is another matter.
Monday I ran 4.1 miles with Dorian later in the evening, then Tuesday morning I ran 6.2 miles in 59:23 with an average pace of 9:34 min/mile. Wednesday morning I ran 10.2 miles out on the roads in 1:36:10 with an average pace of 9:26 min/mile. Thursday morning I ran another 6.2 miles in 59:21 with an average pace of 9:34 min/mile. Friday morning I ran 6.3 miles in 1:00:36 with an average pace of 9:37 min/mile, Friday evening I was able to take the dogs out on the trails for another 4 miles (it was still 75 degrees, the dogs didn't need to go much longer than 4 miles), running that in 43:02 with an average pace of 10:45 min/mile. At this point I had a total of 37 miles for the week, and I knew that I could either run 8 miles over the weekend to get 45 miles, 11 miles to get 47 or go for 13 miles to get 50.... it all depended on the weather and all other things.
It almost didn't look like it was going to happen at all, I didn't get any sleep Friday night and then DH didn't get home until 9 PM last night so all I did was take Dorian for a 2 mile hike at Audubon. I had made up my mind that I was going to get up early Sunday morning and take the dogs to the trails, hoping the bit of rain we got didn't mess the trails up yet. Dorian had fell asleep at 8 PM, then woke up at 11 something upset and crying, thankfully he willingly took some ibuprofen (he seemed to be in pain, headache or growing pains.. not sure). I still thought for sure that the run wasn't going to happen, but he fell back to sleep and slept pretty much the rest of the night. I was up by 5:04 AM and got ready, hoping and praying Dorian would stay asleep while I was gone.
We got to the trails at 6 AM, it was 54 degrees out, and since it was still relatively dark we were the only ones out there (for now). We started off, it was nice and I was feeling great. I had a 12 oz amphipod handheld bottle/flask with me and had to carry my cell phone (just in case). The first 5-6 miles we were completely alone and at this point it was becoming more light out and I stopped by the Tahoe to toss my headlamp into it and eat a Tri-berry gu. We started back out again, around mile 8 we ran into a woman with 3 dogs (two little ones, and the 3rd a pitty mix who Rocky has met and played with many times) then somewhere between mile 9 and 10 we passed a fellow runner. I knew it was getting busier, and we'd have to get done soon or it would take us forever to finish the final 3 miles. Just before mile 11 we saw another guy with 3 dogs, apparently he was another runner too. Right at mile 11 we ran into the lady with the other 3 dogs again, after that I don't think we ran into anybody else.
We ran 13 miles in 2:15:44 with an average pace of 10:26 min/mile, I didn't fuel too well before this run and I felt it about 2 hours into this.
Mile 1 - 11:24
Mile 2 - 10:52
Mile 3 - 10:39
Mile 4 - 10:13
Mile 5 - 10:19
Mile 6 - 10:29
Mile 7 - 10:19
Mile 8 - 10:03
Mile 9 - 10:20
Mile 10 - 10:10
Mile 11 - 10:16
Mile 12 - 10:41
Mile 13 - 9:57
It wasn't easy, but we got it done and I managed to reach 50 miles this week, I feel strong (sore right now) and great but I am not going to push it. Looking at my monthly mileage, I am currently at 160.8... if I was to aim for 40 miles or 39.2 miles next week, I could actually reach a really big goal I've been wanting for a while - 200 miles in one month, and that would be awesome. But I am not going to sweat it, my highest this year was 170 (August) and I've got a 5k race Friday night so my minimal plan is this:
Monday - maybe 3-4 miles
Tuesday - 6 miles
Wednesday - 10 miles
Thursday - 6 miles
Friday - 6-7 miles in the AM, and then the 3.1 miles
Saturday - 5 miles if I am feeling it
That alone should easily give me 40 miles for the week, but again I am not going to fret or worry if I don't reach it, I am just happy that things are going so well and hope that I can keep this up.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
IMM isn't Happening....
Well Monday's meeting went okayish.... our new CPA is able to fix a lot of issues but unfortunately not in time before this Thursday so we had to turn in what our old CPA had. We'll be able to get things amended and worked out before October is over but we're having to pay both our old CPA and our new CPA and other costs. Let's just say things are extremely stressful right now and will most likely be that way for the rest of this year. IMM isn't going to happen, we both agreed... not to mention I have been sick to my stomach since Monday's meeting.... and I cannot run when feeling like that, not to mention that during the runs I would be thinking of only one thing... how much owning your own business really sucks, I am just beginning to wonder what happened to the "American Dream"... screw that crap.
It sucks, but I am just going to try and look at the brighter side of things, getting over this hump and out of this dark hole... and learn from it. And try to keep running, with hopes of maybe running the Land Between the Lakes marathon next March.... although I'm done planning and hoping and trying to set goals, right now the future looks very dark and uncertain. The only bright side, the only good thing in my life right now is Dorian.
Honestly, I don't really want to talk about it anymore.
It sucks, but I am just going to try and look at the brighter side of things, getting over this hump and out of this dark hole... and learn from it. And try to keep running, with hopes of maybe running the Land Between the Lakes marathon next March.... although I'm done planning and hoping and trying to set goals, right now the future looks very dark and uncertain. The only bright side, the only good thing in my life right now is Dorian.
Honestly, I don't really want to talk about it anymore.
Monday, October 12, 2015
The Week Following the 2015 Half Marathon
I looked to see if I had blogged or blooped at all this past week, and apparently I had not... dang it, the blogging seems to be more work than the actual running.
In short, I'm coming to terms with not making it to the gym... it's just been hectic with trying to get my runs in. I figure I'll at least try to do some workouts at home, though it won't be the same. Hopefully I can get back to the gym after Thanksgiving or possibly the new year. And today is the day we see our new CPA with the results of his corrections (after our old CPA had tried to royally screw us), and this meeting will decide on whether we go to Indy or not... though I won't ask until this coming weekend. Wish me luck, and pray for me lol.
As for last week, my goal was to get in 45 miles and it was looking good until yesterday.... but I'll get to that in a minute.
Monday I did some abdominal strengthening and some other stuff.
Tuesday I morning I ran 5.3 miles with Rocky, he struggled. We ran it in 51:44 with an average pace of 9:46 min/mile.
Then later that evening I took Dorian for a 4.1 mile run, ran it a bit slower at 42:16 with an average pace of 10:19 min/mile. So for Tuesday I got in 9.4 miles total
Wednesday was crazy, wasn't able to run that morning then later in the day one stepson finally broke up with his girlfriend (she is a huge, mental, bratty, selfish hermit like human being..... ) and was kicking her out of our house, which had him broken and hurt as they had been together for almost 5 years and it was his first real relationship (if you can look at it that way). Anyways, by the time I would've been able to run, I was already tired and said screw it so Wednesday was a rest day for me.
Thursday morning I ran 8 miles in 1:17:46 with an average pace of 9:43 min/mile, it was 61 degrees and humid.
Mile 1 - 10:35
Mile 2 - 10:10
Mile 3 - 9:51
Mile 4 - 9:51
Mile 5 - 9:34
Mile 6 - 9:20
Mile 7 - 9:15
Mile 8 - 9:09
I wanted to get another run in that evening, but the ex-girlfriend had to come by and get the rest of her stuff so it was another very gloomy evening around the house.
Friday morning I headed out and ran 6.2 miles in 58:55 with an average pace of 9:30 min/mile. It was 64 degrees and a little humid, and the school buses were all over the place.
Mile 1 - 10:21
Mile 2 - 10:02
Mile 3 - 9:29
Mile 4 - 9:13
Mile 5 - 9:10
Mile 6 - 8:58
.2 - 8:21
Later that evening I took the dogs on the trails for 3.8 miles, it was night and windy and it just felt like Autumn. Haunting yet surreal and peaceful all at once, made me realize how I had taken so many of those runs for granted now that I feel so lucky when I do get the chance to go on the trails. So Friday I managed to get in 10 miles.
Saturday I wanted to get up and go to the gym but was sick to my stomach (financial troubles, which is the norm when you're part of a family business). Later that morning I took Dorian for a run on the Greenway, it was 64 degrees but sunny, no cloud in sight. I pushed that 60 lbs for 6.2 miles in 58:13 with an average pace of 9:23 min/mile.... oiy.
Mile 1 - 10:03
Mile 2 - 9:31
Mile 3 - 9:16
Mile 4 - 9:13
Mile 5 - 9:12
Mile 6 - 9:06
.2 - 9:23
Sunday morning, I decided to sleep in, then after breakfast, grocery shopping, playing with Dorian and the dogs outside, DH suggested that we go to a nature park or something and do a bit of hiking (it is rare that he does this anymore, so I was excited). So we probably hiked about 2 miles with Dorian and the dogs at Harmonie State Park (I didn't have my garmin going so I don't know for sure). Then we got home and ordered carry out from Cracker Barrel, by then it was already 7:00. I headed out the door by 7:19 PM and hoped I could get in 10 miles. I hate running the country roads at night, my imagination starts to get the best of me and I ended up running faster than I planned. I was worried about skunks and other shadow creatures. Blah, but I managed to run 10.4 miles in 1:38:21 with an average pace of 9:27 min/mile.
Mile 1 - 10:10
Mile 2 - 9:34
Mile 3 - 9:16
Mile 4 - 9:20
Mile 5 - 9:31
Mile 6 - 9:16
Mile 7 - 9:30
Mile 8 - 9:40
Mile 9 - 9:12
Mile 10 - 9:17
.4 - 8:59
So I managed to get in 44 miles total for last week, not bad considering all of my obstacles. Now, wish me luck on today and this week and pray for me.
In short, I'm coming to terms with not making it to the gym... it's just been hectic with trying to get my runs in. I figure I'll at least try to do some workouts at home, though it won't be the same. Hopefully I can get back to the gym after Thanksgiving or possibly the new year. And today is the day we see our new CPA with the results of his corrections (after our old CPA had tried to royally screw us), and this meeting will decide on whether we go to Indy or not... though I won't ask until this coming weekend. Wish me luck, and pray for me lol.
As for last week, my goal was to get in 45 miles and it was looking good until yesterday.... but I'll get to that in a minute.
Monday I did some abdominal strengthening and some other stuff.
Tuesday I morning I ran 5.3 miles with Rocky, he struggled. We ran it in 51:44 with an average pace of 9:46 min/mile.
Then later that evening I took Dorian for a 4.1 mile run, ran it a bit slower at 42:16 with an average pace of 10:19 min/mile. So for Tuesday I got in 9.4 miles total
Wednesday was crazy, wasn't able to run that morning then later in the day one stepson finally broke up with his girlfriend (she is a huge, mental, bratty, selfish hermit like human being..... ) and was kicking her out of our house, which had him broken and hurt as they had been together for almost 5 years and it was his first real relationship (if you can look at it that way). Anyways, by the time I would've been able to run, I was already tired and said screw it so Wednesday was a rest day for me.
Thursday morning I ran 8 miles in 1:17:46 with an average pace of 9:43 min/mile, it was 61 degrees and humid.
Mile 1 - 10:35
Mile 2 - 10:10
Mile 3 - 9:51
Mile 4 - 9:51
Mile 5 - 9:34
Mile 6 - 9:20
Mile 7 - 9:15
Mile 8 - 9:09
I wanted to get another run in that evening, but the ex-girlfriend had to come by and get the rest of her stuff so it was another very gloomy evening around the house.
Friday morning I headed out and ran 6.2 miles in 58:55 with an average pace of 9:30 min/mile. It was 64 degrees and a little humid, and the school buses were all over the place.
Mile 1 - 10:21
Mile 2 - 10:02
Mile 3 - 9:29
Mile 4 - 9:13
Mile 5 - 9:10
Mile 6 - 8:58
.2 - 8:21
Later that evening I took the dogs on the trails for 3.8 miles, it was night and windy and it just felt like Autumn. Haunting yet surreal and peaceful all at once, made me realize how I had taken so many of those runs for granted now that I feel so lucky when I do get the chance to go on the trails. So Friday I managed to get in 10 miles.
Saturday I wanted to get up and go to the gym but was sick to my stomach (financial troubles, which is the norm when you're part of a family business). Later that morning I took Dorian for a run on the Greenway, it was 64 degrees but sunny, no cloud in sight. I pushed that 60 lbs for 6.2 miles in 58:13 with an average pace of 9:23 min/mile.... oiy.
Mile 1 - 10:03
Mile 2 - 9:31
Mile 3 - 9:16
Mile 4 - 9:13
Mile 5 - 9:12
Mile 6 - 9:06
.2 - 9:23
Sunday morning, I decided to sleep in, then after breakfast, grocery shopping, playing with Dorian and the dogs outside, DH suggested that we go to a nature park or something and do a bit of hiking (it is rare that he does this anymore, so I was excited). So we probably hiked about 2 miles with Dorian and the dogs at Harmonie State Park (I didn't have my garmin going so I don't know for sure). Then we got home and ordered carry out from Cracker Barrel, by then it was already 7:00. I headed out the door by 7:19 PM and hoped I could get in 10 miles. I hate running the country roads at night, my imagination starts to get the best of me and I ended up running faster than I planned. I was worried about skunks and other shadow creatures. Blah, but I managed to run 10.4 miles in 1:38:21 with an average pace of 9:27 min/mile.
Mile 1 - 10:10
Mile 2 - 9:34
Mile 3 - 9:16
Mile 4 - 9:20
Mile 5 - 9:31
Mile 6 - 9:16
Mile 7 - 9:30
Mile 8 - 9:40
Mile 9 - 9:12
Mile 10 - 9:17
.4 - 8:59
So I managed to get in 44 miles total for last week, not bad considering all of my obstacles. Now, wish me luck on today and this week and pray for me.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
I'm Dreaming Again, Somebody Stop It.....
It's in my head again, the thoughts, the dream and next year. What am I talking about, you ask? The Mark Twain Endurance 50, held in September..... which about two weeks or so ago I figured was out of the question and something I should just forget about ever trying to train for and do.
But it just isn't in me to give up a dream, or change plans without looking at every possible alternative.... and if there is none, only then will I drop a goal or dream.
And so far I cannot find any reason to, my husband thinks I haven't thought this whole training for a 50 miler thing through all the way. He seems to think that one must run the whole distance or train with week mileage up around 100 mpw. But I've read enough articles and race reports to know that I could survive on as little as 40-50 mpw of running, while also including walks and hikes with my son that could easily add 10-15 extra miles of being on my feet. And that is what many articles and books about ultramarathons discuss, is that it isn't so much about miles and miles of running a week, but just time on your feet. And training for an early Fall race would be easier to get the mileage in because it will be warm enough to take Dorian out no matter what time it is, albeit it will be quite warm at times.
The only difficult part that I can think about is getting my long runs in on the weekends, I mean my training wouldn't begin until May next year so who knows, maybe Dorian will grow out of this waking up every time I leave or something.
I haven't asked my husband about the IMM yet, which is just over 3 weeks away, or 31 days, 15 hours and 50 minutes away. I feel that I am ready for it still, not for a PR or anything but ready to start it and finish it. But I don't want to get excited or nervous yet, a lot can still happen in a month and our new CPA's haven't gotten back with us on the results of their corrections which is due October 15. Being that it was my responsibility for the last 6-7 years, even though I had no idea what I was doing.... I am sure whatever happens will have some effect on Cameron's decision on whether we go to Indy or not.
I hate having these dreams/goals knowing that nothing is certain,
But it just isn't in me to give up a dream, or change plans without looking at every possible alternative.... and if there is none, only then will I drop a goal or dream.
And so far I cannot find any reason to, my husband thinks I haven't thought this whole training for a 50 miler thing through all the way. He seems to think that one must run the whole distance or train with week mileage up around 100 mpw. But I've read enough articles and race reports to know that I could survive on as little as 40-50 mpw of running, while also including walks and hikes with my son that could easily add 10-15 extra miles of being on my feet. And that is what many articles and books about ultramarathons discuss, is that it isn't so much about miles and miles of running a week, but just time on your feet. And training for an early Fall race would be easier to get the mileage in because it will be warm enough to take Dorian out no matter what time it is, albeit it will be quite warm at times.
The only difficult part that I can think about is getting my long runs in on the weekends, I mean my training wouldn't begin until May next year so who knows, maybe Dorian will grow out of this waking up every time I leave or something.
I haven't asked my husband about the IMM yet, which is just over 3 weeks away, or 31 days, 15 hours and 50 minutes away. I feel that I am ready for it still, not for a PR or anything but ready to start it and finish it. But I don't want to get excited or nervous yet, a lot can still happen in a month and our new CPA's haven't gotten back with us on the results of their corrections which is due October 15. Being that it was my responsibility for the last 6-7 years, even though I had no idea what I was doing.... I am sure whatever happens will have some effect on Cameron's decision on whether we go to Indy or not.
I hate having these dreams/goals knowing that nothing is certain,
Saturday, October 3, 2015
The 2015 Evansville Half Marathon RR
Last night I wasn't nervous, but I was restless and had a hard time falling asleep. I was a little worried about my legs and how they would hold up (pushing Dorian in the stroller has kind of stressed things again, not awful but tired), 5:15 AM came way too fast.
I was slow to move, I just felt weird overall while getting ready. I wanted to make sure everything was in place and I wasn't forgetting anything. Getting to downtown, I made sure to park about .6 miles or so from the start so I could get in a decent warm up run and use the casino bathroom.
It was 48 degrees, 12 mph NNE winds and cloudy. I had a sweater or long sleeve shirt over my race outfit... I've got to remind myself to buy DH another long sleeved shirt.... I took it off just before we crossed the start, wearing only a tank top and shorts, it really didn't feel too awful. I was immediately regretting starting near the 2 hour pace group, I should've gotten in front of the 1:50 pace group. I have no idea how many people I passed within the first half mile, but it was aggravating lol.
Mile 1 - 8:58
Mile 2 - 8:43
Mile 3 - 8:49
I grabbed a cup of gatorade somewhere in between mile 3 and 4, I decided to slow down and walk so I could sip it up rather than risk choking. Probably cost me a few seconds. I was still feeling pretty good.
Mile 4 - 8:37
Mile 5 - 8:32
Mile 6 - 8:43
Mile 7 - 8:54
At this point I realized that I seriously needed to use a port-a-potty but couldn't see one. Around mile 7.5 I figured there would be a port-a-potty, but when I got up there I saw the port-a-potty.... it was knocked over, yeah...
I was pissed off a smidge, I knew I would have to do something otherwise I was going to have a very embarrassing accident and would probably never run this race every again.
Mile 8 - 8:49
Mile 9 - 10:06
A FREAKING PORT-A-POTTY!!!!! Sure it was about 15 feet or 20 feet off the course, but it was a bathroom and I needed to use it. I didn't pause my garmin which is why mile 9 shows 10:06 min/mile, I knew this would cost me a new PR, let alone finishing close to my current PR of around 1:53:12 but I was okay with that as my biggest concern was seeing how my legs would handle this race as it would also help in my decision on whether to continue with plans of running the IMM or not. So far my legs were doing great, other than the slight soreness in my upper hamstrings and glutes but I will chalk that up to the donkey kicks, fire hydrants and the weird butt lift with alternating leg lifts yesterday morning.
Now to get back on course and head for the finish line.
Mile 10 - 8:36
Mile 11 - 8:39
Mile 12 - 8:50
It was getting tough at this point, my stomach was starting to act weird. I kept begging it to please let me finish and to not do anything stupid, I was getting tired though and felt hints of a few side stitches in various places.
Mile 13 - 8:49
.1 - 7:27
I was done!! Another half marathon finished and overall it really went well.
Garmin Time: 1:56:06
Net/Chip Time: 1:56:06
Average pace of 8:52 min/mile
Overall: 480/2,119
Gender: 130/1268
Division (F25-29): 16/155
5k Split: 27:29 (pace: 8:51, rank: 495
10k Split: 54:20 (pace: 8:45, rank: 464
14k Split: 1:15:36 (pace 8:42, rank: 453)
last 7k: 40:31 (pace: 9:19, rank: 487)
I was slow to move, I just felt weird overall while getting ready. I wanted to make sure everything was in place and I wasn't forgetting anything. Getting to downtown, I made sure to park about .6 miles or so from the start so I could get in a decent warm up run and use the casino bathroom.
It was 48 degrees, 12 mph NNE winds and cloudy. I had a sweater or long sleeve shirt over my race outfit... I've got to remind myself to buy DH another long sleeved shirt.... I took it off just before we crossed the start, wearing only a tank top and shorts, it really didn't feel too awful. I was immediately regretting starting near the 2 hour pace group, I should've gotten in front of the 1:50 pace group. I have no idea how many people I passed within the first half mile, but it was aggravating lol.
Mile 1 - 8:58
Mile 2 - 8:43
Mile 3 - 8:49
I grabbed a cup of gatorade somewhere in between mile 3 and 4, I decided to slow down and walk so I could sip it up rather than risk choking. Probably cost me a few seconds. I was still feeling pretty good.
Mile 4 - 8:37
Mile 5 - 8:32
Mile 6 - 8:43
Mile 7 - 8:54
At this point I realized that I seriously needed to use a port-a-potty but couldn't see one. Around mile 7.5 I figured there would be a port-a-potty, but when I got up there I saw the port-a-potty.... it was knocked over, yeah...
I was pissed off a smidge, I knew I would have to do something otherwise I was going to have a very embarrassing accident and would probably never run this race every again.
Mile 8 - 8:49
Mile 9 - 10:06
A FREAKING PORT-A-POTTY!!!!! Sure it was about 15 feet or 20 feet off the course, but it was a bathroom and I needed to use it. I didn't pause my garmin which is why mile 9 shows 10:06 min/mile, I knew this would cost me a new PR, let alone finishing close to my current PR of around 1:53:12 but I was okay with that as my biggest concern was seeing how my legs would handle this race as it would also help in my decision on whether to continue with plans of running the IMM or not. So far my legs were doing great, other than the slight soreness in my upper hamstrings and glutes but I will chalk that up to the donkey kicks, fire hydrants and the weird butt lift with alternating leg lifts yesterday morning.
Now to get back on course and head for the finish line.
Mile 10 - 8:36
Mile 11 - 8:39
Mile 12 - 8:50
It was getting tough at this point, my stomach was starting to act weird. I kept begging it to please let me finish and to not do anything stupid, I was getting tired though and felt hints of a few side stitches in various places.
Mile 13 - 8:49
.1 - 7:27
I was done!! Another half marathon finished and overall it really went well.
Garmin Time: 1:56:06
Net/Chip Time: 1:56:06
Average pace of 8:52 min/mile
Overall: 480/2,119
Gender: 130/1268
Division (F25-29): 16/155
5k Split: 27:29 (pace: 8:51, rank: 495
10k Split: 54:20 (pace: 8:45, rank: 464
14k Split: 1:15:36 (pace 8:42, rank: 453)
last 7k: 40:31 (pace: 9:19, rank: 487)
Friday, October 2, 2015
Frustrating Thoughts...... Today has Been Depressing
I didn't run today, Dorian was up at 5:30 AM so I couldn't get up and run an easy 3-4 miles (hopefully I can do it Saturday evening or Sunday).
Other than that, I woke up depressed.... not really sure how to describe it but I can't help feeling that if I don't run the IMM next month, it will be a very long, long time before I have the chance to properly train and run another marathon. :( :( :( :( as long as Dorian wakes up while I try to get out for a run in the mornings, there is no way I can try and get the proper mileage in for a marathon race. :( :( :( :( :'(
Especially through this winter, I don't think I could take him out in the stroller when temps get below 30 degrees, and even though I've heard rumors that this winter is going to be mild in my area...... I just don't have much hope. It really pisses me off because I signed up for the Land Between the Lakes Marathon next March.
It's frustrating, extremely frustrating as I've set quite a few goals through 2016 and the major one was the Mark Twain Endurance 50 in September 2016...... If I can't make it around 55-70 miles a week, I just don't know if a 50 mile race is possible.
I feel weaker already, I need the gym, I need the weight lifting.... I need a run of 2-3 hours...... damn it I a going through withdrawals and it is very bad, a very bad feeling.
This is freaking frustrating, it almost makes me not want to eat anymore... I feel no hunger whatsoever.... I just want to sit in a corner in silence, just silence. Ugh... I just wish I knew when things will start working out, I don't need to get up at 4 AM but I NEED to get up no later than 5, to give myself enough time to either run 10 miles on Wednesday or 5 miles and then the gym for 40-50 minutes other days of the week and maybe a 3-4 miles later in the afternoon/evening, and a 2-3 hour run on either Saturday or Sunday. That's all I want, all I need.
But I don't know when that will be, when Dorian will start to sleep through the night every night even when I get up and leave. He seems to notice when I am out of the house even when he is asleep :( and I honestly don't know how I am going to survive winter.
Other than that, I woke up depressed.... not really sure how to describe it but I can't help feeling that if I don't run the IMM next month, it will be a very long, long time before I have the chance to properly train and run another marathon. :( :( :( :( as long as Dorian wakes up while I try to get out for a run in the mornings, there is no way I can try and get the proper mileage in for a marathon race. :( :( :( :( :'(
Especially through this winter, I don't think I could take him out in the stroller when temps get below 30 degrees, and even though I've heard rumors that this winter is going to be mild in my area...... I just don't have much hope. It really pisses me off because I signed up for the Land Between the Lakes Marathon next March.
It's frustrating, extremely frustrating as I've set quite a few goals through 2016 and the major one was the Mark Twain Endurance 50 in September 2016...... If I can't make it around 55-70 miles a week, I just don't know if a 50 mile race is possible.
I feel weaker already, I need the gym, I need the weight lifting.... I need a run of 2-3 hours...... damn it I a going through withdrawals and it is very bad, a very bad feeling.
This is freaking frustrating, it almost makes me not want to eat anymore... I feel no hunger whatsoever.... I just want to sit in a corner in silence, just silence. Ugh... I just wish I knew when things will start working out, I don't need to get up at 4 AM but I NEED to get up no later than 5, to give myself enough time to either run 10 miles on Wednesday or 5 miles and then the gym for 40-50 minutes other days of the week and maybe a 3-4 miles later in the afternoon/evening, and a 2-3 hour run on either Saturday or Sunday. That's all I want, all I need.
But I don't know when that will be, when Dorian will start to sleep through the night every night even when I get up and leave. He seems to notice when I am out of the house even when he is asleep :( and I honestly don't know how I am going to survive winter.
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