It's Over, MTE50 isn't going to Happen

  I can't really explain how this came about, other than my own stupidity. I know I've blogged about our business and slow times and my hiding the finance info from my husband/boss. He found out everything about a month ago, and though he was upset, he took it better than I thought.... at the time.
But the training and morning runs have gotten to him, and this morning my son woke up while I was out running, he woke up early and was bouncing off the walls and then peed and pooped a lot, DH had to clean him up and this man is one of those people who hate cleaning a poopy diaper first thing in the morning when he should still be asleep. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, my obsession with this has caused me to neglect him (husband), to neglect the house and neglect my obligations at work and in his opinion I've been neglecting my son.
This morning was rough, that is all I will say but it was decided I am not doing the 50 mile race, we are not going on vacation and I had to cancel the cabin/house reservation. I'm broken, I'm upset, mostly because I know I've been neglecting him and I am really hurt that he thinks I am neglecting my son. I've talked to others, I've discussed Dorian's delays and he is going to a school that specializes in kids with developmental delays, disorders and autism and down syndrome. They are the best in the area, and spoken very highly of, and he is coming along great and fantastically. So I am really hurt, but he has been saying that since Dorian's speech progress had suddenly just stopped when he was a year old.
And I think I am really hurt that my husband no longer supports my running,  in fact he hates it. His patience and understanding had hit the limit last year, which is why I got into such a hurry to sign up for, train and participate in this 50 miler. I was scared I'd never get the chance ever again, and it looks like I will never get the chance.... unless there is one in our area and my husband never knows about it, but the only way I could train is when Dorian is old enough to sleep in, entertain himself and not wake Daddy up... and I have no idea when that day will come.
I just wanted to achieve something amazing, something nearly impossible before it became impossible to even train for it and do it. But it looks like it won't be happening, at least not any races.
As far as long runs go, with this heat wave I just won't be able to do anything really. I can barely push Dorian for 8 miles, the thought of trying to push him for 10-12 miles is just crazy.... especially in this heat.
Let's face it, I was lucky to have experienced 3 marathons, 2 of them being trail races. I was lucky to experience 12 half marathons and many other little races, those days just might be completely over............