This past week has been pretty extremely stressful, Dorian's first day at daycare didn't work out and it was extremely traumatizing for him. The provider mentioned during our Friday interview after Thanksgiving that he would most definitely need to be evaluated for speech delay ( he really has no words at all and is almost 32 months old), so I am sure being thrown into an unknown environment with other children and an adult he didn't know was extremely frightening for him especially since he can't talk or communicate with strangers. Most daycares give children at least 2 weeks to adjust, but this one wasn't willing to even though she said during the interview that she would be able to handle him. To make matters worse, First Steps can evaluate him but cannot provide a program without the sign off of his/a pediatrician and thanks to his original pediatrician's office screwing things up in 2012 sending me a letter of termination for a bill that was paid, and my being lax about finding another because he has been so healthy and I didn't expect a situation like this I decided to just hold off on finding another one. My stance on not vaccinating my son also makes it extremely difficult to find a pediatrician. I will still be making calls to offices trying to find a family doctor or pediatrician but I am losing hope with that situation. I love my little boy but I feel like a failure, the only two good things I did was a homebirth and choosing not to vaccinate him... other than that I feel like I've failed in every other department :(
It's been pretty difficult to get my mojo back with running, but this past week has been extremely difficult... so much so that I really don't give a shit if I run anymore, but it subdues so many of my demons, including my insecurities and pint up frustrations and it's a habit I don't want to break in fear of never starting again and not having anything to show or share with my son later :'(
I ran 5 miles Tuesday, 8 miles Wednesday, nothing Thursday, 6 miles Friday and 5 miles Saturday. This morning was supposed to be 12 miles but after my garmin screwing up around mile 3 and going into powersave mode for .5 miles I just wanted to quit and go home... I was so frustrated and tired of all of it, tired of sucking at life but I pushed on. I managed 9.35 miles total and that was it. A total of 33.7 miles for this week.
While out there, I made a really/not really tough decision... I am not running the Land Between the Lakes marathon, I am not going to train for it - my first marathon took so much of me - body, mind and emotion that my son suffered from it and I can't do that again. At least not this soon after the first one, I'm going to register for the Monumental again and begin training in June but one marathon a year is good enough for the moment. I am still going to register and train for the back to back half marathons in April but the training won't be too much different than my usual half marathon training except for some long runs of 16-18 miles maybe.
Also, I might not be on here too often. If I can I will at least blog once a week about my runs as winter can be crazy and exciting.
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